This Pain

No one knows what I'm going through
Thats why I wish no one knew
All I want is to be able to really smile
I haven't had that for awhile
I'm always feeling insecure
And like my life is a big blur
I cant stand to think that this is my life
Knowing that nothing is going right
Its scary knowing that I hate everything about me
The person I am I don't wanna see
At times I'm so sick of myself its unbearable
When I think of me...I think terrible
I know my friends think I'm crazy for doing this to myself
I know that they are just trying to help
But I wish they would just let me be
It sounds silly to you but not to me
I don't want anyone's pity
There is no need to tell me I'm pretty
I guess its ok to think I'm insane...
You wouldn't think it if you knew my pain
Just be me for only a day
Then you would see it my way
I try so hard to cover it up
But I do this to myself when I had enough
I know it is not good
I would stop if I could
I do envy people who don't go through this
I do envy people who don't cut there wrist
It isn't like I'm proud that I take a blade to my skin
Its not like when this happens I sit there and grin
I cant help it or stop it
Honestly, right now I don't wanna quit
But I will stop this eventually
When I'm happy just being me

(its not good I know I'm just having a bad day and I had to do something...I did write I better one but once again it didn't save =( please don't comment bad stuff cause I know it sucks...)