I'm No Longer Living

I love you and you don’t even know it.
How can you not see the glimmer in my eye when you look at me?
How can you not see me shiver when you touch me?
How can you not know?
How can we not be?
I want some answers,
I want to know now.
I want to know if you love me too,
Or if it was just a fling to you.
You told me it meant something while it was happening,
But then you go back to your girlfriend and it all means nothing?
How can that happen?
How can that be?
I thought you loved me.
Maybe I was just blind sighted,
Or maybe I was just a fool…
But I loved you,
And forever I will feel the pain you put me threw.
I ask myself if it was worth it,
If that one night of feeling loved was worth it,
And yet, even with all the pain it brings, the answer is always yes.
It was worth it to me because I love you,
And I thought that was the only way we could be.
Now there might be a chance since you and your girlfriend are threw,
But maybe I’m just kidding myself,
Maybe there’s no me and you.
If this is true,
Then let it be.
Don’t try to hide the fact,
That you don’t love me.
Don’t even bother to show you care,
Don’t worry, I’ll always be here.
I will always love you,
And you will always be my first love.
Maybe we didn’t go all the way,
But we went far enough.
My love for you is true,
And that means that I can’t live without you.
I love you Mitchell, I just want you to know that.
So here I go, a knife in my hand.
I’m walking away from you forever,
It’s gonna be hard,
But I’ve got no other way.
You took a piece of me with you when you chose her,
So here it is, I don’t want it back, it means nothing to me just like I did you.
I carve out half my heart, and hand it to you.
This is my last gift for you,
I just wish you knew…
You don’t know what you’ve done to me…
You gave me my greatest happiness,
And yet you made my heart bleed.
As I lie here dying,
I have a few more things to say.
You mean the world to me,
I love you,
I’m sorry, but I just couldn’t live without you.
As I‘m dying,
I murmur something else,
But no ones there to here it yet.
This is what I said…
You are not the cause of my death, Mitchell,
But the only reason I lived this long.
Now that you are gone,
I must move on.

About five minutes later,
My brother finds me,
He starts to cry.
He calls 911,
And soon I know you’ll be at my side.
He calls all my family and friends,
And finally he gets to you.
You come right over,
Crying, knowing it was because of you.
You find my note and you read it, only you,
This is what it said…

My dearest Mitchell,
You made my life worth living,
And now that you are gone,
My passion for living is gone too…
Just remember that I love you.

By this time Tyler and Brian are there too,
My breath is getting weaker,
My eyes are starting to close.
You start to scream and punch things,
Then when Tyler and Brian say “it’s okay”,
You go crazy, you break down and cry.
You scream “why did you do this to me?!”
“I loved you!”
When you look at me,
Lying on the floor,
Covered in blood,
Dying forever more,
You take my hand in my last few moments of life.

I murmur something again,
But no one hears it just right.
This is what I said…
You are not the cause of my death, Mitchell,
But the only reason I lived this long.
Now that you are gone,
I must move on.

The only part you hear is the last two lines,
You tell me “I’m not gone, just hold on!”
Maybe you will never understand what I meant by that,
But I hope some day you can get it threw your head.
I love you,
You made my life worth living.
When you left me,
My reason to living left me too.
Maybe you still love me,
But you never told me this,
I never knew if it was true.

The paramedics say I’m dead,
You go crazy,
You take the knife to your head.
You say “she was my reason for living,
And now that she’s dead,
My reason for living is dead too.
I love you, Ashley, I just wish you knew.
So now, since I can’t be with her,
I shall die too.”

You took the knife,
And slit your throat.
You died holding my hand,
And with your last breath you murmured something,
But no one seemed to hear it.
You said…
With my last breath,
I say to you, Ashley,
I love you too.

Now that we are both dead,
Maybe we can be together again.
Maybe our hearts are still beating,
And our blood is still pumping,
But as far as I’m concerned…
I’m no longer living.