Comprehending Life

Who am I,
I am neither real, nor fake,
I am neither here, nor there,
I am everywhere and nowhere at the same time,
I can see everything, but yet I am unseen.
I talk yet no one hears me,
When I am heard, I am not understood.
I am listening, but am hearing nothing,
I am very close, yet still so far away,
I am who I am, whether I want to be or not,
The years have gone by so quickly , leaving me behind, waiting for me to catch up.
I never thought I’d get so old,
My childhood was like a dream, I woke up from too fast.
I never thought life would be this hard,
So many things I have no control over, are controlling me.
I never thought I’d lose so much, my childhood of innocence, the losses of great friends, my feelings of security, even my yearning to be everything I’m not.
All of my dreams have yet to come true,
All of my hopes have seemed to pass,
All of the years have faded, like a good dream I always wanted to finish
I feel sorrow for my loneliness that has come and passed.
I feel loneliness for the friends I have had and lost
I feel lost in a world I have no control over,
I feel pain for all of the people I’ve hurt, and all who have hurt me,
I see a world with love and sadness,
I see a world I’d like to make a difference in.
In a world absent of God, I see too much hate, and not enough love.
I see my happiness turn to mourning at the loss of loved ones.
To the death of a cousin, I’ll never forget the many years you spent within the family.
To the death of a good friend, I cry at the thought of knowing I’ll never laugh with you again.
To the death of a mentor, I lose it, not being able to hold myself up from all of the losses I have endured.
I cry, not knowing what I can expect to happen next,
I cry over the things I have no control over.
I fear destiny’s cruel way of fulfilling it’s prophecy.
I pray for the healing hands of God, to be placed upon my heart.
I pray for the guidance that I need to get through it all.
I want to understand everything, but am incapable of doing so.
Someday I know I’ll have to make it on my own in this crazy world.
A world full of love, hate, money, religion, and relationships.
Someday, I, by myself must take my own journey into this crazy world we call Life.