Window of my mind

Looking out a window, a place inside my mind.
Where nothing seems to exist only space and time.
In my eyes this window seems to be, a place to escape my harsh reality.
I try to wake up but nothing will disturb me.
Waking up seems against my own ability.
I'm trapped in these dreams, I'm under to deep.
Reliving my past in these secrets I keep.
These secrets so full of pain and regret.
Childhood and teenage memories I try to forget.
Memories of being beaten, memories of rape.
My past fills my heart with ice and hate.
Deprived of the love from my mother,
Nearly raped by a friend will I ever recover?
These memories keep me in a dreamlike state.
If I ever get out it will be to late.
Maybe to late to fix all my wrongs.
Although I already know it's to late for me to belong.
I know from how they act whenever I get near.
I try to stay away because they are also who I fear.
The fear of being hit again, this fear of being touched.
These feelings building up prove to be to much.
I want to release them, I want to let go.
But as more things build up there's to much I'm unable to show.
I'm trying to leave these memories behind.
But every time I dream I see these memories once again in the window of my mind.