Blood Shed

Tainted black and painted white
Lying stained on the floor
I'd make you a guilty promise
“I won't do this anymore”

But I'd break it when blood
Sheds itself and crawls away
Decisions for incisions
Day following each hopeless day

Stomach, thighs, wrists and chest
Covered with the scars
Time lingers and resews the skin
As tears collect in jars

Sealed with the past memories
How each one left in vain
As I screamed from a bedroom floor
With agonizing pain

I show myself with fashion
Quite conservative and quaint
But beneath the surface quivers
As I wobble and I faint

Paper, or plastic smiles
In tune with my image of the week
Hand in hand mistakes
Coincidentally fall right in sync

I'd scream if I thought they'd listen
I'd cry if they would care
But ever time I take the fall
They're all just so unaware

“You have no past to sing with
No experience to comprehend”
Oh God, if you could only see
The places that I have been...

But breaking, butchered silence
Sometimes speaks the awful truth
So I keep up conversation
In hopes to conceal my faded youth

Hating every move I make
In ill hearted, irrational shame
Point your fingers with broken trust
I'll conveniently take the blame

Infidelity runs its fingers down my spine
So intense and real
I swear these wounds inside my heart
Will never, ever heal

Don't talk to me in riddles
As if I'm a child speaking mute
Dozing off into some distant shape
I'm no stumbling, arrogant brute

Don't tell me my decisions are wrong
And preach to me about faith
God knows his chance was ruined
When he didn't step up to the plate

Prayer is lacking feeling
And emotion at it's climbing best
God must have labled me a failure
When I didn't pass the test

So as I sit here in my chapel
Where demons swarm my head
Inside this room of deep betrayal
I cradle myself in the blood I shed.