It Meant Nothing To Him

I'm cheap. Used. Filthy.
A wh0re.
I've done things
I've never done before

I gave away my innocence
Like so much cheap wine
On it we sipped
Until we were dizzy with desire

I let his hands wander
To places hands shouldn't go
His touch made me insane
With no strength to say no

He silenced me with kisses
Poison on his lips
Yet I gladly drank every drop
Hands clenched against my hips

Whispers of feelings
That I so quickly believed
Because I wanted him to love me
How could I be so naive?

Locked in his embrace
I felt safe, loved, secure
I needed someone to trust
I'd never had that before

My very first kiss
But things moved so fast
His hands travelled down my body
Creeping below and past

So he made me his wh0re
He made me his doll
Just another of his dirty secrets
That would remain untold

I was just an experience
Just an embarrassing regret
One more memory
He wishes he could forget

It meant nothing to him
He just wants to pretend
That nothing ever happened
That were still just friends

But were not
He knows it as well
Bound by a secret
That neither of us can ever tell

Its ruined our friendship
Things aren't the same
I wish we could be close
But all he feels for me is shame

And when I look at him
I bite my lip so I cant cry
It hurts so much
He cant even look me in the eye

I'm just a mistake
Am I really that bad?
Am I too ugly, too desperate
Too clingy, too sad?

Why cant I shake the feeling
That I've just been used once again
And not only that
I lost a really good friend