God please, I write this to you

***I worked really hard on this poem, and I must say that I am
proud of it, but then again I am
unsure of it. Please read this even
though its a bit long, and please
comment, even if you didn\'t like it, that way I know what I should fix. Thanks so much!!!***

God please read this
I write this to you
To tell you all the things
That I had to go through

I cut myself sadly
In the middle of the night
Thinking about all the things
That I just could'nt do right

Friends thought I was crazy
That I lived a good life
But it's that they didn’t know
What I hid with a knife

My feelings of sadness
Worries and fears
My feelings of darkness
And each every tear

I thought that tomorrow
Might be the last that I live
I had no more to offer
Nothing left to give

I had a good plan
Or so that I thought
I wanted to die
Deaths what I sought

I woke in the morning
I love you’s were heard
Tears tried to fall
My vision blurred

Good bye to my older brother
And he waved my way
But he didn’t know
I wanted that day to be my last day

I went up to my room
“To sick to go to school”
Mother being blind
Acting a fool

I hid in my closet
I took out the knife
The one that would shortly
Take away my life

I thought, “I have to do something
I can not sit here and wait
For something to get better
It’s already too late”

“Please don’t say I’m a coward”
I whispered out loud
I wanted mommy to know
I tried makin her proud

I backed out of the little room
And shut the bathroom door
I went to slit my wrists very deeply
And fall to the floor

I put the blade
Up to my wrist
Praying to have courage
To give it a twist

I breathed out real slowly
And started to press down
But I decided my own fate
Threw the knife to the ground

“This isn’t what I really want
I just want to be heard
To have someone to talk to
Who won’t think I’m absurd”

I ran to my mother
I told her my fears
She started crying softly
But wiped away my tears

“Jordan my baby
I know what went wrong
You didn’t talk to anyone
But you still held on strong

I’m going to take you
To get something you deserve
The help that you wanted
But didn’t have the nerve”

She soothed me softly
Until I felt good
Until I felt happy
The way that I should

So I thank you dear god
For having her save my life
And I am glad that I decided
To throw down that knife