Battle

by Jenn   May 22, 2005


He held sword high
through the blistering fight
our disdainful warrior
pulling through the night

and standing tall
shining in the light
his hair pure gold
his skin glowing white

and a few dead men
lying on the ground
their soliciting freedom
ringing dead loud

their patchy brown skin
their hearts singing proud
and not one other man
wanting to notice in the crowd

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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    "He held sword high
    through the blistering fight
    our disdainful warrior
    pulling through the night"

    First line-I think it would read better if you added a "his" after "held", but just my opinion.

    "and standing tall
    shining in the light
    his hair pure gold
    his skin glowing white"

    Nice descriptions, very interesting...

    "and a few dead men
    lying on the ground
    their soliciting freedom
    ringing dead loud"

    Good rhyming, simple but yet so perfect..

    "their patchy brown skin
    their hearts singing proud
    and not one other man
    wanting to notice in the crowd"

    Good ending, well done. Again, a well-written poem by you. Take care, 5/5 from me...