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by Jenn May 22, 2005 category : Life, society / patriotism
He held sword high through the blistering fight our disdainful warrior pulling through the night and standing tall shining in the light his hair pure gold his skin glowing white and a few dead men lying on the ground their soliciting freedom ringing dead loud their patchy brown skin their hearts singing proud and not one other man wanting to notice in the crowd
by Poet on the Piano
"He held sword high through the blistering fight our disdainful warrior pulling through the night" First line-I think it would read better if you added a "his" after "held", but just my opinion. "and standing tall shining in the light his hair pure gold his skin glowing white" Nice descriptions, very interesting... "and a few dead men lying on the ground their soliciting freedom ringing dead loud" Good rhyming, simple but yet so perfect.. "their patchy brown skin their hearts singing proud and not one other man wanting to notice in the crowd" Good ending, well done. Again, a well-written poem by you. Take care, 5/5 from me...