Cold Life..

I wanted a normal life.
i never wanted to pick up the knife
but at ten, everything took a turn
and i would know things i never wanted to learn

the family was falling apart
it left a dent in my heart
fights broke out as i lay my head to sleep
my anger was building, it was now chest deep.
days came and went
but life was nothing but torment

i tried to keep my head high
yet all i do is sigh.
but, divorice came my way
on an unfaithful day
bruised inside and out
i can now only shout.

depression swept over me and i never knew.
and my anger still grew
something was wrong, but i didn't know what.
i started to have the urge to cut

now at 13 i look at my past
and wonder how i had last
I'm afraid of my hands
knowing they held a knife
and i don't want to continue life

i look at my thin small arms
again holding that knife
and lay that cold silver blade on my pale white skin
slay it through in one swift line
i never think to cry
i don't feel it one bit
as i stare at the slit

blood drips on the floor
close my eyes, heart is tore
i can still feel that cold blade resting in my arm
it feels like it has done no harm

i sit here now, still that same angery child
its been a year since I've smiled
I'm fine that way
and this is how I'll always stay

after 3 years
I only shed tears
i shred my skin
i know its a sin
but that only friend i have in my cold life
is that same rusty cold knife