On the Edge

I lock the door
walk over to the bed
pull the blade out of the drawer
with thoughts of suicide in my head
I'm so sick of this
my life is going down the drain
all my life it seems as if
all I've known is pain
if you're looking for love, don't look at me
now secrets those I hold
life can get better
or so I'm told
I have nothing
but a broken heart and a shattered soul
an empty body
with an enormous hole
torn up skin
and broken dreams
I tried to sew myself back together
but I'm coming apart at the seems
I think of the blade in my hand
and how many people have broken my heart
I'm trying to keep it together
but I'm falling apart
I remember the nightmares
and how many tears went unshed
I remember being here before
and how many nights my arms were painted red
I trace over my cuts
nothing but scars filled with hate
the hate for my life
not wanting to know my fate
I remember nights I lost the fight
holding back all that I had inside
with the end result
I know I'd have to hide
I know I've walked on the edge many times
and I knew this wouldn't be my last
I have constant reminders
of what I've done in the past
I write of pain and suffering
that I'm going through in my life
but I don't tell my friends or family
instead I pick up the knife
no one was ever there
to catch me when I'd fall
so I'd turn to the knife
to help me through it all
so I walk along the edge
once again tonight
knowing very well in the end
what I do isn't right
I know I'm not alone
that other people cut as well
I haven't been the only one broken on the floor
I'm not the only one that has ever fell
as I'm walking on the edge
thinking of what I'm about to do
I start to wonder
how many have been on the edge too?