Test Of Faith

I'm at that stage of my life,
When my parents tell me the truth,
I'm old enough to know whats really going on.
But sometimes I wish I was younger again,
When my life seemed happy,
And I didn't know all about the negative things.
I didn't hear the arguments between my mum and step dad,
I never saw any tears cried,
Living in my dream world,
Full of happiness and joys.
But of course I can't turn back the clocks,
And my life, its reality.
I don't get what we've done wrong,
We're honest people,
Go to church every Sunday,
And we all pray regularly.
Yet we don't have any money in the banks,
And my mum and step dad are struggling,
His business is failing and he doesn't know what to do.
May be this bad stage in our lives,
Its a way of testing our faith.
Sitting here, I'm shaking,
I never realized that things were that bad.
Tears in my eyes, thinking of everybody living in luxury.
They can all afford to look great,
Can afford all the camera phones with the mp3 players, all the expensive gifts that money can buy.
Praying to God above every night,
That he'll protect us,
Provide us with enough food to live,
A house over our heads,
Money for all the necessary needs.
I'll try to remain strong for my family,
Try to keep it together in front of people,
Only when I'm by myself shall I cry.
Down and down I'm falling,
Feeling so alone and hurting,
Nobody can see behind these eyes,
Nobody can see these tears I cry.
Nobody realizes this pain I'm carrying inside,
I want it to go away,
Theres only one way I know how,
Cutting, slicing my fragile wrists.
Its not something I'm going to resort to,
Made a promise to one I was over that stage,
I promised him I'd never let things get that bad.
Pushing people away, not wanting them to come in,
When secretly I really do want them in,
I want somebody to tell me that life isn't over,
That they'll always be there for me no matter what,
But my friends, my boyfriend, they don't realize,
So now I turn to God, after all, no matter how hard I try to push him away,
I know he'll always be around to stay.

*As you may have guessed I'm feeling really lonely at the moment. My life is going downhill, and i don't know what to do..*