How Come I Gave Up?

Sometimes I lay awake,
In the dead of night
Just pondering and thinking
Of all the things I couldn't do right

Too many expectations,
People think I have the perfect life
But it's what friends and family didn't know-
Where I hid the knife

I'm sorry I'm such a coward
If I could I'd scream it aloud
I guess all I ever wanted
Was just to make everyone proud

The mirror tells me the truth
I guess it's in my eyes
How come the girl staring back at me-
Is the one that I despise?

She's such a failure to me,
How come she does everything wrong?
I thought the girl I'm looking at
Was the one who was supposed to be strong?

Misconceptions and misunderstanding
Could certainly be my fate
But how can I go back?
Already it's far too late

How come I fell back from everyone?
And now it's like I'm alone?
Certainly I've matured,
But part of me hasn't grown

The part that wills to find the courage
The motivation and responsibility
How come I gave up
When depression got the best of me?

Put yourself in my shoes
Then maybe you'll understand
It's not the life that one would choose-
But the one that was put in my hand

(C) Rita Bintz 2005