The Withered Lover (Black Zodiac 1/12)

by Dark Savior   Jun 1, 2005


Scared,battered,beaten and bruised.
in this world you've got nothing to lose.
you think you know what i feel.
last time i didn't leave a thing concealed.

i wish i could say we lived happily ever after
but she loved another and distance was a factor.
i gave her it all that's a true fact.
she left it shattered nothing intact.

looking at the past so many regrets
like a crow sitting upon his nest.
a man trying to adapt to the world around
to him it is the rest of the world that's confound.

silent desperation my friend, it sooths
love is nothing to have if you lose
love is a fairy tail not yet proved.
you couldn't walk a step; not one, in my shoe.

i go to sleep knowing she is with another
that is why they call me the withered lover.

© 2005 Shaun M.K

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  • 15 years ago

    by Lady Nik

    Silent desperation my friend, it sooths
    love is nothing to have if you lose
    love is a fairy tail not yet proved.
    you couldn't walk a step; not one, in my shoe.

    *This was my favorite part. I would make shoes plural though :). Anways this part really spoke to me, because I can really relate. I feel like this sometimes and it's great to see how you express the same feelings in such a different way. I also like how you ended this piece. Very creative idea. Nice work my friend :) Nik*

  • 15 years ago

    by silvertung69

    I like your writing bro. and your right it's no fun to lose the one you love but the dark ones like us learn that thoes who love the deepest get hurt the worst but thats because even when we are in love we still feel alone.
    sometimes my friend thats when we are most alone...

  • 15 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    I definatly loved how you wrote this, it was really interesting.. thank you for explaining that in the first comment otherwise I probably would have been lost haha. Your ending was extremely powerful and everything in between was sad but full of emotion and feeling. I thought you did a great job with this and made it a poem some people could also relate to. PS - Great job on your Trolaan too!

    Well done. :]

    5/5.

    Temps.

  • 15 years ago

    by Babs Bunny

    This poem is beyond outstanding.
    Wonderful job.

  • 15 years ago

    by Nee

    Ok that was good :]
    I still have to comment on some parts..don't hate me lol.

    "i gave her it all that's a true fact. "
    I'm not sure of what I'm gonna say but isn't this supposed to be "I gave it all to her, that's a true fact"?? [Notice the comma I posted between the two sentences..I think it should be added to make the line easier to understand.

    "love is a fairy tail not yet proved. "
    this line I liked so much..I think it's left a mark in my heart =]

    "that is why they call me the withered lover. "
    I don't know but this line could've been worded in a better way..like for example "And at the end I'm called the withered lover" or "And that is why I'm called the withered lover"
    I don't mean to change in the poem..not at all..the way of expression as I see could be more beautiful, that's all

    I loved the title..I gotta admit it was catchy :]
    One thing left..I noticed at the end of every line you posted a dot, I think you should put in consideration that punctuations are important in poetry...Also capitalizing the first letter of the first word of each line..

    Thats all I have to say
    Thanks for sharing and Write on =)

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