Thinking of going back

by Anna   Jun 3, 2005


I feel so ugly
but I know its not like when I was starving myself I felt oh so lovely
I don't want to go back to that f**ked up place
but at the same time I don't want to feel fat, ugly and out of place
I remember the pain and the way it felt good
I remember the weight loss and now I wish I could
I wish I could find the strength inside to do it once more
find the perseverance, the ridgidness I hide inside, in my core
I want to see my bones reappear
I want to do it again but there's too much to fear
the mindset's not healthy, its not good for my head
but I just hate my f**king body, alone in my bed
anorexias not good, I'm aware of that
but I want my body back, the starved one that I had

~sometimes I can't help wanting to go back to my old ways, its take all my strength not to because I know it wasn't good for my head~

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Latest Comments

  • 19 years ago

    by XKt_ShellyX

    I'm so glad your strong enough not to go back, it isnt healthy or good for you, you are rite...
    and your not ugly or fat ma honey, you are perfectly sized. and very beautiful.

    love you lots
    x

  • 19 years ago

    by Treakle

    That's so strange, I've just written a poem about my anorexia, and then i looked on my favourites and you're talking about such similar things. You do it for such different reasons though, don't ever think so low of yourself, always be strong, i know how hard it is but don't go back to it.
    Love always xx

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