Notecard of my life

My mind is ripped apart,
I want to run away,
get away from it all
and feel no more pain.
There is not much left to feel
except the life i wish to have.
I want to get away
and just leave from my own head.
I don't want to think the way I do,
I don't want to feel the way I do.
I'm sick of this life I have to live with the torture of my fantasies.
I am tired of complaining,
I am tired of just being.
My friends think they know me,
but they only know one side,
I have a side that no one knows
is hidden deep in me.
I can't get there very often,
and I'm the only one that can,
but when I get there
I just want to scream,
and stop breathing suddenly.
Then it would all be gone,
this torturous life I live,
and maybe then I would be happy,
in the afterlife to live.