Nada, I agree. Im sorry but this doesnt have much emotion and it is repeated. Please use this as help and not as an insult...
Love always,
Haily
xoxooxoxox

i agree with nada, maybe some rhyming and like i said before the length of lines and maybe stanzas for the flow...stanzas arnt that important but could help :)
hope i helped?

Not much more to add to the other comments you have recieved on this poem. Some lines are again to long whilst others seem to short, which affects the flow and overall effect.

Keep Writing
Nici

Thank you everyone for your comments this really helps I will take it a use it constructively!!! Thankx

good poem.

ok, thanx for eveyones honest feedback!