If I think about it it hurts to breathe. I'm holding back tears all the time. Hiding them under my fake upside down frown. It's so confusing, I'm so fricken lost. Just like I said I would be without... I can't grasp a single thought my head has been spinning so fast. I don't want to stop and think. I don't want to cry... I've done that, done this but this one, this time it just seems so real like this one is permanent. I can't turn around; I can't go back I'm not wanted there. I can deal with that. I have to deal with it. I've worked so hard to find a part of myself. I can't loose me now. So as days go by I'll keep busy. Friends, work, anything not think. Not to deal it can't happen. If I try to deal with this now I'm as good as gone. So now I pretend nothings wrong, I still don't love ... I can't deal I can't say it. Don't want to think it. But I'll be okay. I'll survive. Someday down the road we'll meet again and my heart will still beat just as strong for... but it wont matter idealistically I won't matter. If I ever did.
