It all started

One cut, two cut ,three cuts
I did not mean for it to start
but it did not
I can't turn back now
I must continue

Started a year ago last march
I pulled out that sharp piece of plastic that I broke off that case
run it on the side of my wrist
" that did not hurt, whats the big deal?"
I'm mad I'm sad .
I have nowhere to go
no one to talk to
No one will understand
they will say it was for attention
Next time I did it I used a pair of scissors I found on the fridge
across my leg ten times
I see the blood pour
someone is knocking on the door oh shit
i roll down my pant leg and unlock the door
it was my friends mom
I walked down the stairs with the scissors in my pocket
blood rolling down my leg
I can feel my open cuts
but they do not hurt
For I do not feel
I'm broken inside
heart smashed to pieces
deep depression that will not heal
as i still on my bed reading book those thoughts come back of you
pulling my hair slapping my face
calling me all those names
tears roll down my face I can not take it
it hurts so much those feelings
I go to the bathroom I see those razors I take it apart just for the blade
this one has got to cut deeper i say to myself
I walk back to my room with all my meaningless thoughts
It is good no one is home I say to myself
Its a good thing they do not know how depressed and how stressed I'am
I hate myself I said
I put my right arm across my desk pressing deep down then i cut once again three more times
I close my eyes
I feel the blood run down my arm

My cuts go deeper then you will know
my feelings are more then just happy and sad
I say less of what i know and keep quiet for the sake of being wrong
It does not hurt ,I do not hurt
I am a lier I lied to myself everyday for many more months and through many more cuts
But now I must face the mistakes I made in the past
because today is today
I can not look back

~* This is kind of how I started my cutting and put to the end of where it stopped I skipped a whole lot in between but i will write those in other poems ..
(please comments if you read )~*