Can't handle it anymore,
Can hide it no longer,
Need to release,
Need to be set free,
Can't take sitting here crying every night,
Can't take having nowhere to hide,
Once I could hide in dreams,
But even they,
Now seem to endure my pain...
From the moment I awaken from nightmares,
I reminisce the pain of nights before,
And as I rest my head on the pillow to fall into no longer sacred dreams,
Thinking of the pain bled that day...
Nightmare sin my wake, present and future,
Just can't stand being here anymore,
Can't look at myself in the mirror for too long without wanting to cry because I'm so ashamed of myself,
Try not to eat because hunger is the only feeling I can count on being there,
Bleed myself at night just to make sure I'm still alive,
Because I could have slipped into my hell and wouldn't even realize,
Now stuck in this room scribbling on a note book without my silver in my reach,
Still have my painful Saviour,
But too many may hear my preach,
Want so bad to scream it at the tops of my lungs,
Resit my life to the heavens,
Just help me get out of here!
I scream only to myself my true insight,
Some know,
I would if I could explain away my fears,
But just, I can't seem to word them,
Want so bad to tell them,
Help them,
But all I seem to cause is confusion leading to pain because they feel they should understand when they don't,
But how could they?
When I don't even understand?
Please help me!
Please help me make sense of my mind...
Sometimes its so loud I can't hear anything but what its screaming,
Screaming silence in my head,
So loud that i can't concentrate on anything,
Can't think straight,
So I fail,
Fail at everything I do,
Well at least my mind tells me I do...
Right now I'm failing to make sense,
Failing to write my heart,
Failing to be human,
Failing to live,
I failed to starve myself,
Now I feel sick from what I ate...
I'm failing to be anything other then annoying,
I'm failing in life and I'm failing to write this,
So now I go,
Leave to put on a smile for everyone else,
Leave to act another episode of my life,
Leave,
To endure my mind so silently screaming at me...
