DARKNESS

by prepkiller   Jun 10, 2005


I'm swimming all alone in a pool of darkness
and I feel like darkness is slowly pulling me under
I yell for help but no one is there to hear it
I begin to see the water at eye level
and I kick and flail
fighting to stay above the darkness
But the darkness won't let go of its hold on me
and I slowly begin to give in
to the feeling that lies below the water line
the waters starts to fill my lungs
the lungs that once held so much life
yet now they allow the murky water to replace that
I know that this path doesn't lead to happiness
But why doesn't someone grab my hand
pull me from darkness's grasp?
because no one knows I stand at the boundary
the boundary between light and dark
so I give in to the thing that holds me
All of the strength and all of the courage
that I once held in my heart
can't save me from the water
So I slowly slip below the world of conscientiousness
undetected by the occupants of that world
I don't want to fight anymore
I've given into darkness

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Latest Comments

  • 19 years ago

    by Drew Gold

    Interesting.. ive been there before.. as for the content,.. i think darkness is way overused,.. maybe think of synonyms or different metaphors? i think it just takes away the quality to be reading the same word over and over again.. the same with other words that are repeated,.. repetition of words can work in your benefit, but in this case, the opposite happens.. also i dont usually mind lack of punctuation, but in this piece it hinders the ability to read it straight thru..

    So I slowly slip below the world of conscientiousness
    undetected by the occupants of that world

    i think a further explanation of what u mean by conscientiousness world, and how it relates to the darkness would be a good addition,.. also, when you say "that world" the reader might have trouble discerning which world you actually mean.. ne way.. thats my 2 cents.. good job on this one altogether th0.. pZ out

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