Dissociative Disgrace

Disconnected and detached,
The world is but a blur
I am a photograph out of focus
I drown but no waves stir

So separated from everything,
Inside, pain’s all I feel
The cold wall ahead divides me from them
They are there and I’m not real

And this wall was built so long ago
Fortified with insecurities and self hate
By the time I realised what was happening
I found it was too late

Shapes are slowly getting larger
As I start to shrink away,
I am so small in this scene before me
Repeating every day

I try so hard to talk and explain
But thoughts just cloud my mind
And over and over the scenes keep playing
Leaving me behind

I wish I could find calm within this storm
Some order within this soul
Because now I realise what’s happening again
The helplessness takes control

Alone within a room-full of people
Alone when sat with you
I try to break down my wall of doubt
But there’s no getting through

I feel so very far removed
Now tears fall down my face
Disconnected and isolated
A dissociative disgrace

- A poem about living with a dissociative disorder, as I do x