I'll Leave Everything in the Past

Tell me you love me,
and say it from the heart,
because I have doubted this feeling
right from the start.

Through the fog of depression
there was a glitter of hope.
I had found a way
that I could finally cope.

I've been by your side
for months and months now.
I look at your face
and I still wonder how.

It started off innocent,
a glance here and there.
And sometimes I found,
I couldn't help but stare.

I asked for your name,
I was told I should talk to you.
I would wait and wait,
trying to predict what you'd do.

It came to that day,
I had her give you the note.
I couldn't stop smiling,
my heart started to float.

The very next morn,
she came to me with a frown,
and right at that second
I knew that you turned me down.

I said I was fine,
tried to make it alright,
but I was miserable
just by you being in sight.

I would lay awake at night,
trying to stop every tear.
Everything fell apart,
everything that I fear.

I would see you day by day
and feel the hurt again.
I had become lower
than I had ever been.

I would wait and pray
everything would be fine.
I had prayed for the day
that you'd become mine.

Then that one faithful day,
you decided to try,
that one faithful day,
that I wanted... to die.

I was defensive at first,
you had hurt me before.
I didn't want
to be hurt once more.

But I wanted you now,
I still had feelings for you.
I had faith that you'd help
in guiding me through.

It's been a while now,
six months to the day.
And, despite everything,
I still feel the same way.

But bad blood boils
between me and my mind
and the past that I
had long left behind.

I see the face of my father
in your eyes.
A face that, now,
I despise.

There are so many parallels
between you and my dad
and the troubles that I
have once had.

Going to your church
scares the hell out of me.
It reminds me of everything
that I was forced to be.

I do not blame you,
not in the least.
I have only to blame
my "inner-beast."

You see, I've erased half my life
from my memory,
but the feelings from then,
still haunt me.

I battle with it daily,
I cannot explain what it has done.
But in the battle between us,
no doubt, it has won.

I now don't think much of myself,
and I find it hard to be positive.
I sometimes ponder
my reason to even live.

I feel as if
I don't really know you.
So here is the conclusion
that I have come to:

I love you and that's all,
I don't care about the rest,
because I know that this love
is trully the best.

I'll disregard everything,
every fear, every doubt.
You are everything to me.
You're what my world is about.

So I'll take it all
and leave it behind,
because I know that your love
was hard enough just to find.

I won't belittle or make
our love seem benign,
because I am extremely lucky
to have you be mine.

So I'll make you a deal,
a heart for a heart:
despite whatever may happen,
please, never depart.

I'd be lost in this world,
without you to guide me.
You opened my eyes to love,
and you let me see.

I'm sorry if
I trouble you.
It's really not something
I enjoy to do.

But I want you to know,
I will forget everything,
all these memories and thoughts
that, somehow, you bring.

I love to love you,
and I want us to last.
So I'll put everything
behind me in the past.

And I'll live for today
and no more in my fear.
I'm not afraid to cry, anymore.
I know you'll catch every tear.

So I've said it before,
and I'll say it again,
I love you,
I'm happier than I've ever been.

I had to post it under slang because of all the "spelling errors" and I wanted to leave it how I wrote it... otherwise it would be under love poems...