Let me scream

The first seconds of life
An infant takes the chance
To stretch it's little lungs
And I am jealous.

My heart contracts,
Pulling my chest tight.
Forgetting to breathe
Just breathe.

Tears fall painfully silently
I want to scream so bad it hurts
But all I can manage is a whimper
In between short gasps of air.

A child is so full of life
Full of emotions, one at a time
And I am so empty
Half empty with loneliness.

I really don't know what I'm saying,
Or how else to say it.
When do we begin to suppress our tears?
Since when is it not alright to scream?