Comments : One day...

  • 16 years ago

    by Twisted Mind Broken Soul

    You gave me the moon,
    the stars in the sky,
    you make me believe,
    i could stand up and fly,
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    You should capitalize i, other than that the beginning is very interesting, it proves that someone has effected your life in a good way

    you make me feel,
    im an angel from above,
    an angel with wings,
    your little white dove.
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

    These lines didn't really seem to go together for me, as I was reading it, it seemed like "above" and "dove" were forced poetry.

    I wish you were here,
    to hold me in your arms,
    take me away,
    and end all harm,
    you're my world,
    my whole entire life,
    one day i hope,
    to be your wife.

    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^

    The rest was well written, but you have to know everything does not have to rhyme, just let it flow 3/5