I was hired to baby-sit
A bunch of runts that liked to spit
I'm not a fan of children you see
For I really don't think they like me
They pulled my hair
They stole my chair
They even said I resembled a bear
I didn't cry
My eyes were dry
I just stole all their fast food fries
And told them a few harmless lies
"Best be good," I told them with a grin
"You don't want to meet my friend Fin."
The children burst into a spurt of laughter.
Rolled around the floor and then asked what I meant after.
"Fin," I calmly sat and explained,
"Is a friendly creature I met in Spain.
He's quite helpful you see
He only truly listens to me."
"When I don't like some one all that much.
I tell him he can eat them for lunch.
Only thing my chickadees
He really likes to catch his Z's"
"He sleeps all through the day
And only wakes when children don't like to play.
He likes to slip under your bed
And whisper your name until your dead. "
The children told me that Fin was something they didnt fear
And I said thats not something he likes to hear
The children stared
And I glared
But they seemingly didnt seem to care
They put their PJ’s over their head
And I promptly sent them off to bed
I only had to scold them twice
Before I threatened them with rice
They fell asleep some time there after
And I shook my head as though I'd grown dafter.
Their parents came home quite relieved
That their little runts hadn't killed me.
I went on home by myself
Placed my keys upon the shelf
Returned some calls on my answering machine
And then ate some fancy lean cuisine
Fell asleep on the couch
Woke up the next morning, quite the grouch
The phone rang and I growled into the receiver
It was someone looking for Weaver.
I said "This is she"
And the person on the other line started to whine at me
The little runts from the night before
Had seemingly walked out the door.
I shook my head and explained
"It wasn't me," they should be ashamed.
Though I didn't like their snot nosed runts
I wouldn't hit them with something blunt
Fin, you see
Only truly listens to me
He eats the people who treat me mean
So there wouldn't be any evidence of a spleen.
Last night the children I baby-sat
Will no longer think it funny to call me fat.
