The Future Can Kill

by JustAFoolInLove   Jun 16, 2005


I looked in the mirror
Earlier today
And watched myself delicately
Whittle my own skin away

An old habit, reborn
Unto a victim of hate
Experiencing an early
Dose of his fate

I saw in that glass
As it reflected my vein
A glimpse of my future
After I’ve gone insane

I’ll fear my own shadow
For always following me
Guilty by association
With my loss of sanity

Not even fingernails, dull
Are safe to this soul
As they scratch back and forth
And open a hole

As the blood leaves my body
I start to feel cold
As I begin to hear secrets
My reflection once told

I rock back and forth
And cover my ears
But I find no escape
From all my past fears

When the darkness starts fading
And I slowly come to
I’ll believe that, again,
I’m standing by you

I’ll believe all the lies
My memories tell
And I’ll be convinced
That I’m once again well

And when my past dissipates
I’ll be left all alone
And run away from the laughter
As I hear dial tone

Is this a new memory
One I’d long since forgot
Or are my ears ringing
As I’m left here to rot?

My questions will never
Have a chance to be used
As by my foretelling reflection
I’m relentlessly abused

The redundancy eats
At my mind as time passes
No quicker or slower
Than frozen molasses

In the end, while I’m waiting
For real thoughts to return
I’ll see my own body
Painfully burn

Not able to stand
My own agonizing scream
I’ll grow tired with my voice
And lose self esteem

Knowing I’m all alone
With nowhere to run
When all my friends hate me
I’ll load up my gun

The cold metal will press
On my temple, and I
Will be soothed of the burning
As soon as I die

In my last second of falling
Towards a welcoming floor
I’ll see the blood spattered
All over the door

I’ll remember your voice
And how it soothed my bloody heart
And but a second or two later
My last breath will depart

No lengthy goodbyes
To painstakingly do
But I’ll pray that you know
How much I love you

*anyone who reads this, could you please take the time to at least vote? much appreciated!

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  • 18 years ago

    by Just Sierra

    This stanza--

    I’ll remember your voice
    And how it soothed my bloody heart
    And but a second or two later
    My last breath will depart

    Just hit home...magnificent! Really...breathtaking and just. wow.

  • 19 years ago

    by undying blusher

    I think IgnorantAngel pretty much said it all (and then some)...you're never alone, and I can see there are plenty of people that don't hate you. But this poem might not even be about you...entirely...and it was a while ago...so i just hope you aren't having thoughts like the ones in that poem. Very well done though.

    Thank you sooooooooo much for the comments. Made me smile :) And that's sweet that you care...

    undyingblusher
    xxx

  • 19 years ago

    by Just Sierra

    I'm completely enchanted by you.

  • 19 years ago

    by Just Sierra

    I'm sorry to say this Zac, but I'm anything but speachless. I'm hurt beyond reason to the point where I'm starting to cry. I shouldn't be crying, and I know that. Today's my happy day, but yet I'm still crying. You're reach on me is painful, like you're going to squeeze me to death or suffocate me. The feeling is so new to me, but it's because I care so much about you Zac.

    So many people care about you and love you and would die for you, Zac. Never forget that. You're my angel and you were when I was hurting. I healed because you talked me through and was my friend when no one else was. I'll never abandon you, not even if you wanted me to. But I'll help you through this if you'll only tell me what's wrong. I can't fix what's not broken or I can't see. My purpose as your friend is to hold your hand, and while I can't physically hold you when you cry like I wish I could, I can still help you can't I? Zac, I love you soooooo much more than you know or you'll ever comprehend and it kills me that you can still do this to yourself because you may want to die, but I still want to live. And if you die, you're taking my heart with you, and I'll never forgive you for that. And I hope that if you ever decided to cut that much deeper or shoot that bullet through your head you better danm well think of me before you do. I swear to god you hurt me more than you know. You've been on my mind even while I don't have internet almost everyday. I try not to think about you only because I don't want to know if you're going to die, but as long as you still breath, I want to be here for you. When you give up, Zac, I give up. and if you care for me at all, you won't do it.You see, unlike you, I don't have someone who loves me to the point they'd die for me, but if you did Zac, I swear I will die. I wouldn't be able to bear it knowing there's only one of you in the world and you'd left before you could really live.

    True words from the heart. Please-it's one thing to hurt yourself, but by hurting yourself you're hurting those who love you, and that's even worse because they're innocent. I'm innocent.

    I love you so much!!!!!! Bffe!

    ~Sierra

  • 19 years ago

    by *melted*dreams*

    i really like this poem and its so...painfully sweet...if you get what i mean... but your a fantastic writer so keep it up...5/5

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