You

Okay, I thought this poem was pretty good. The first stanza doesn't follow the same rhyme scheme as the rest of the poem, that is to say an ABCB rhyme scheme, but that should be easy to fix. A larger question is how much of this poem you really want to rhyme, and how much of it you want to flow. The message of your poem got across just fine, and it would still be all right if you didn't rhyme it at all. I would say your weakest stanzas are the last two, and your strongest are the 3rd and 4th. This is because the 3rd and 4th sounded very natural and conversational, while the last two sounded like they were a bit jumbled and repetitive in order to fit into the rhyme scheme. I think one of the fundemental flaws of this poem is that the lines are so short. This makes it difficult to develop a smooth reading rhythm, and instead makes it a bit jerky.

Accepting criticism is hard, and this is the first poem of yours i've critiqued, so I apologize. You should understand, though, that I definitely don't hate you or anything, I'm just trying to be honest. If you think this disclaimer is a bit silly, well, i've regretted not using it in the past, and some people get awfully defensive about their poetry. I thought this was a good poem, it just has room for improvement.