Your Name

I want to be dead but still alive
now that I'm not with you
I have no one left
to help pull me through
I take out my razor
to try and forget what we had
I never meant to hurt you
I didn't want you to get mad
I tear at my skin
hoping that one day I'll forget
you leaving me here
I will always and forever regret
I'll never forget your name
and my feeling I'll have to hide
I am miserable and depressed
without you by my side
I look down at the blood
and soon it mixes with tears
loosing you forever
was always one of my biggest fears
I lay awake at night
thinking of what it is I did wrong
without you I have no reason to go on
I'm no longer strong
I cry my forgotten tears
as I hold a picture of you
you would always be my love
and I thought you loved me too
I think of you all the time
every song, every Mickey hat
it all makes me think of you
and I'm always wondering where you're at
I wish on every star
hoping and praying your thinking of me
I was madly in love with you
I just wish you could see
everything about you
took my breath away
I wish you knew,
then maybe you'd stay
I'm so sorry for the troubles
and the problems I made
I'm sorry that I can't change
and put down my blade
I put the razor to my skin
another incision, another slice
I've made this mistake before
I've done it more than twice
I know this will only take my pain away
for just a little while
but after I'm done I can put my mask on
and once again I'll make my fake smile
I spent so much time trying to get over you
but I couldn't let go
my love and passion
I could never let you know
my heart is broken
and only tears of sadness fall from my eyes
I can't get past you
even though I always ask myself why
you said you wanted
to spend the rest of your life with me
but now you're gone
I guess it wasn't meant to be
I wrote so many poems
telling you how I feel
back then life was too much
I just didn't want to deal
I had so much on my mind
and I know I worried too much
but I hate missing your smile
and missing your touch
I cut my skin
so the thoughts of you would leave
I have nothing left to turn to
nothing left to believe
I have no one to help me
the razor is my only friend
it will never judge me
it will only bring my end
I will never forget you
I'll always know your name
I'll just sit here lonely
living in my shame
take a look at my wrists
I don't think you'll be surprised
that yes it is your name
that I will forever hide....