Looking Back At That Girl

LOOKING BACK AT THAT GIRL

I look back
Back to the awful past
Three years at the bottom
Of the deepest hole
I try to forget and
To look past all that
Yet I can't seem to
I keep looking back at it
And there is so much I see

There is this girl
So young and innocent
Walks around with a porcelain mask on
With a big smile painted on it
And happiness in the eyes
Yet no one knows its fake
That is it just like glass and
It can break any minute
Just needs enough pressure

Then there is this same girl
That comes home from school
A cloud hovers over her head
Dark as the night sky
And as dangerous as a death valley storm
She hides away in her dark room
The shades down and blankets over the window
Music blasting some loud rock
That talks about death
All she thinks about
All she cares about
Is death now
And how her pain won't leave her
Until she gets the joy of dying

This girl walks with her head down
At dinner she does not speak
Nor does she eat only but a little
After she goes to her room
Just sleeps because her pain escapes her there
When she wakes she thinks of the pain
She writes about pain
Draws about pain
She feels the pain
And needs the pain
So she takes the knife
Any sharp object she can find
And drags it across her skin
Just to see the blood
Just to see her world spill out in front of her

Now that the pain is real again
That she no longer sleeps
I see tears fall from her eyes
She swore she would never break
But she has
Her glass mask is shatter
She no longer can hide the pain
The frown
The tears
The scars
They all show right before her eyes
She sees everything now
And all she does is cry
She wants to die so much
And no one sees it
They all look past the girl
They think she is innocent and happy
Yet knows how she is
Knows that she writes about death
And knows that she carves into her body
And bleeds night after night
They know she wants to die
Yet they look past it
But she doesnt
She hides in a mask
Not to fool the world
But to fool herself
So she thought she was ok
When really she wasn't
She never was

There is this girl
Who talks writes and thinks of death
Who walks with her head down low
Her arms are covered to hide the scars
And her smile shows
She fears what tomorrow will bring
And hides her pain away

There is this girl
That was the same innocent young child
For three years she didn't change
This girl that saw love in pain
And pain in the love that she had

There is this girl
And this girl was me

I think back
And I see this girl
She haunts me now
I see her in my sleep
And when the world goes down
I see her in my thoughts
I see her in the mirror

This girl....
Shes apart of me
She is me
And she'll never leave me.

Please tell me what you think and rate me... Id really appreciate it