DepResSed

I just do not know what to do
i no longer have control
It feels as though i have lost every
little thing
my life has been going wrong
for five whole years now
and guess what
when i was the age of 10
i began to cut, i just could not deal
i know it was a stupid thing
but now it just feels so real
it seems as though all i do is that
when people upset me
my only friend is the razor
it feels so good, i cut until
i can feel the blade sticking in me
the feeling is the best i have ever
felt in my life
i know it sounds weird but just
sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do, and its my duty to bleed
i bleed for the one i love
he makes me so upset sometimes
and i just can not help it and just cut
he knew i used to do it but he thinks things are much better
no one thinks i could be capable
of such a self harming activity
but i guess they just didnt know me
was it to much to ask for a normal
life with a normal guy and family
now I'm stuck with these screw ups
they just make it even worse
before i cut like once a day or twice
i really do not know why i started
but now I'm lucky if i can get away with five or six
i know I'm addicted to it
and i can not be stopped
I'm like a serial killer on the search
for my own blood
one day i know I'm just going to mess it up
and i will hit a vein or artery
then i will be sure of death
i think that is the only way this is going to end because no one can stop me now.
I'm like a blade on the loose
slashing my wrist when ever things go wrong
i just wish that HE knew what i did
because maybe i would stop for him
but i do not think he will ever get the chance
because the blood is running
and i feel faint.....
Just please say you will miss me
even if it is the tiniest little but
i need to know that before i go
because you mean the world to me and i am doing this for you, if i can not have you then i can not live. . .
so thank you guy for making me do this, i could have lived like i was
a struggling goth trying to be different
but no you screwed up what i had going for me
i loved you
Good Bye For Ever
* if only someone knew *
[ how much she was suffering ]