My Past

Memories spinning,
Tears begin to fall,
Wishing I was stronger,
I curl up in a ball.

Hiding every truth,
Choking on the lies,
Sometimes they slip through,
and I can't help but cry.

I fight the tears so well,
And fake a smile so sweet,
But sometimes I just fall apart,
Depression can't be beat.

Rocking back and forth,
I look back on where i've been,
Knowing all the things i've ever done,
Can be summed up as one big sin.

Pain, cuts and lies,
regrets and alcohol
Broken hearts and disappointment,
Just a few out of them all.

Pills, straws, and razors,
Snorting, inhaling, and having fun.
Cutting, lying, stealing,
Wondering when all this begun.

Trying my best just to fit in,
With who my best friend thought was "cool"
Not noticing the truth,
I was being such a fool.

Then one day it all changed,
Her family packed up and moved away,
I'd known it was going to happen,
But I cried my heart out anyway.

I had no reason to do the bad things now,
No reason to even live,
But I wish that I could just go back,
Because for her, I don't know what I'd give.

The most confusing 7 months of my life,
And 9 years of friendship down the drain,
A house with such great memories,
And a lifetime full of pain.

A regret deep in my heart,
A smiling face I'm forced to wear,
Uncounted scars on my hidden skin,
And in my darkened soul, a tear.

An unforgettable "I love you"
And the best hug i've ever received,
The worst day of my life,
A hole in my heart, that will always bleed.

I don't want to go back,
I just want what I used to have,
I wanna see you one more time,
I'd give my life to hear you laugh.

I'll block out all the bad things,
Till I see you once again.
But I won't erase, your precious face,
For it's what keeps me from giving in...

~*I know this isn't the best poem ever but I really needed to let all this out. It may not make sense, I dunno I didn't really read over it. So sorry if it sucks. *hugs* Lovers ya*~