aww thats sad. This was a great poem. Keep writing and make sure you promote yourself and make yourself known because you are really talented.

i like the way you used the rhyming style...brings out the poems sadness...although you can improve the last part...it looks as if it is incomplete...but the rest is okay..i gve it a 4/5...:D

I'd suggest improving the rhyming to make it sound less forced, or you could even do without it because I think this would stand up well on its own without the rhyming at all. I really like the whole tone of this - the imagery is vivid and I think the last line is awesome :)