Miss Mary

It is all your fault
It definitely is not mine
You are the one who messed up
Or else everything would have been fine

You should not have slept with him
Even for the pleasure
Because you made another life
And had to take desperate measures

You gave me up for adoption
And put me in another home
You never came to see me
You never called on the phone

I have never even seen you
I was just a baby
I do not even know you
To me you are just some lady

I am so lost
I do not know what to do
In little less than a year
I have to meet you

You might be my birth mother
We might share a chromosome or two
But that does not mean anything
Because I still do not know what to do

Should I be happy?
Should I be mad?
Should I love you?
What about my dad?

Someone please tell me
For once I want guidance
My mind can’t handle this
Who is my alliance?

What do I call you?
Do I just call you mom?
Or do I call you by your first name?
My thoughts are like a bomb.

What do I do?
What should I say?
I am so confused.
Am I supposed to feel this way?

For this moment
I have been waiting all my life
To see you, talk to you, hear you
It is cutting like a knife

I am lost and confused
All these thoughts in my mind
I am scared of you
Maybe I should leave you behind

Maybe I should not meet you
And leave you in my past
Or maybe I should
My thoughts are racing so fast

I am left with two options
I guess I have to decide
Either I can meet you
Or I just put you aside

I will make the right decision
At least I hope in the end
I will meet you
And we can be friends

*****I’m really scared about this. I don’t know if I want to meet her. I’m scared she won’t want to meet me or won’t like me. This is a very personal poem, but I would really appreciate if you commented because I could really use the advice. *****