The Explanation

I remember a time long ago.
A time when the cruelty of
others I did not yet know.
I would trust and open
up to others so easily.
Then slowly those I thought
to be closest would hurt me.

Now I know to be more wary.
I can't be so trusting, so carefree.
Now I am trying to be more tough.
Otherwise I fear I'll always be
walked on and used too much.
Emotions seem to frequently
lead to the worst type of pain.
Although it can be fixed a piece
of the pain will always remain.

It's hard for me to not get
paranoid and frightened.
Will I be fooled again
and left once again to mend?
Or will I be too protective and
cause good friendships or more to end?

I always want to just open up.
At the same time I'm saying
"Was the pain from the lesson
of too much trust not enough?"

I know that sometimes I begin to open up,
and then I suddenly slam the door shut.
It must be difficult dealing with the
indecisiveness of these sides of me.
Hopefully this poem can help give you
the explanation that you need.