Start of a Song

by Victoria   Jun 29, 2005


When I see you're deep blue eyes,I wanna hold you so tight,but then I see you over there,and I get,so scared.It's just one of those days when you don't know what to do and don't know what to say,all I can tell you baby is that everything's gonna be ok.Its not like you care,so why does it matter to me,I tried to be the one to try and make you see. (Thats all I have)

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  • 19 years ago

    by XxTeArSxX17

    nice keep working on it the flow is nice and it look like it will be really good when your done

  • 19 years ago

    by Andrea

    it needs to rhyme more, but it was good

  • 19 years ago

    by Lydie

    That's a really good poem!

    -However can I make a suggestion? The way it's written makes it a bit hard to read, I think a poem flows more when it's in lines not in like sentances-

    But overall FANTASTIC!!!!

    -Lyd

    P.S Thank you so much for the comment you made on my mirror of sadness poem!

    I added you as a favourite!

    KEEP WRITING WELL

    :D

    -Lyd

  • 19 years ago

    by Samantha

    Awesome, keep it up, Finish Finish!! its perfect, keep going