Until now

I'm falling deeper and deeper
no one to pull me up
just sadness creeping up my body
slowly and slowly it goes.

no chance for strength to build
and help me through this time
no friend in need
just these 4 walls.

nothing will quit the pain from feeling like
a million stabbing knives
it keeps coming and going
i take some pills.

nothing happens.

i feel numbness
it feels so awesome.
i am laughing
but for no reason at all.

my mom comes in and goes whats going on?
i say oh nothing.
she leaves without a word
i laugh even harder now.

it is starting to hurt even worse now
i scream.
this time an angel walks in
she grabs my hand.

says hold on.
but i can't
I'm in too deep.
i feel lost in a deep sleep.

finally i rise to the ceiling.
looking down on myself
i see the angel is my mom
in tears.

paramedics all around
they say what happened?
my mother told them what she knew
they said they need her to leave the room.

i left too.
she went to her room.
i held her close.
i whispered i love you in her ear.

she looked right at me as if she could see me.
she said i love you too.
now help me get through
i stayed with her as the people gave her the news.

i said don't cry
but she did anyway
i went away but every night i sat with her.
I'd cry as she lay in my bed.

i think why did i do this?
then i remember
i got so mad again
it was all her fault.

she made me so mad.
i told her to go to hell
and that i was going to kill myself that night.
she didn't believe me.

until now.