My daily Reminder

I used to lie awake staring at my arm
Looking at all my pain filled attempts of self harm.
I used to be so proud. So happy I could do something right.
I found a way to finally live, and I could still put up a fight.

Now I’m angry, and now longer depressed.
It’s been three months since to cutting I confessed.
I’m angry because no ones helped me.
They look at my scars and act like they don’t see.

Do they even care? I mean it sure as hell don’t seem like it.
Nothings changed my life still has all that worthless s|h|i|t.
I just don’t want people to get the satisfaction of seeing me sad.
And sometimes when I lie awake at night I want to go back to what I had.

The release I used to get from my blade,
The happiness I felt when my pain would fade.
But no one ever saw I was waiting to be saved.
It was like I was worthless not worth being found.

I gave up on god, and so many other things.
Reputation and school, found drugs, they gave me wings.
But then this boy he just broke my heart,
He came in and tore my whole life apart.

And I just stopped, I put down the knife.
I didn’t want him to see he was ruining my life.
I haven’t cut since. But of my cuts I’m no longer proud.
They’ll be my daily reminder, of how I was a failure, a coward.

Hayley ©