Average

It's started again,
that downward spiral of hate.
The moment the 1st tear fell,
the pattern began again.
I can't believe I'm back,
within this vicious circle.
You shout at me and make me cry,
and all i have to fall back on are my lies,
"Of course I'm fine, miss"
"I'm just tired"
Telling lie seems easier than telling the truth,
I smile and try to get on with life.
I can go days, weeks, months,
without a comment from you hurting me,
but without a clue it all starts again.
"You always try to look like a neglected child"
"Can't you make an effort"
"Don't you realize how much you weigh"
"You're nothing compared to your sisters"
Little comments like that ruin my day,
I hide upstairs and cry,
I hear the family below me,
2.4 children, I've always felt left out.
I'm not sporty like Millie,
or clever like Kassy.
I'm just me and i thought being average suited me fine,
but you can't accept that,
I must excel at something anything.
Just enough that you can brag about to your friends, like with the other two.
"Well Amelia swims professionally
Yes, Kassy is predicted A* at GCSE,
Oh and Gemma, yes she's fine, average, you know"
I hate being fine and average,
i want to be special, loved wanted,
Guess I'll never fell like that,
not with you nearby.
You stifle, hurt me,
you slowly kill who i am.
I can't wait to get out of your clutches,
the first day that you cant get to me ,
mum,
will be the best day of my life!!