Alone

You ask me how I'm doing
do i tell you the truth
or do i lie
if i tell you I'm OK, Ive lied and I'm
alone again with my pain eating at my soul
but the truth seems to be something you can not deal with
can not handle
i must tell you
that i cant forget
i just cant seem to get over it
i know you think i should be over this
i know you think its been a long time
but i cant get over this on your timetable
it has to be on my terms
you see i need help
i need someone to listen to me
to try and understand
as i tell you that, tears come to my eyes
and i quickly wipe away the tears so you don't see my pain
and then you quickly change the subject
how am i doing
well do you really want to know
or is that just conversation between friends
well i will do better when you start listening to me
if you could only understand
understand
that i need to get this out
this constant pain thats inside me
is unbearable at times
i know you cannot fully understand
you cannot fully comprehend
yet i need you to understand
i need you to care
i need you to stop thinking i should get over it
i need you to stop avoiding me out of fear i might bring it up
you see when i keep this inside
i am alone again
alone with nothing but my thoughts
nothing but this emptiness
nothing but the shame and guilt
alone
i want you to know that i don't need you to do anything
just be there
so i know you care
when you ask me how i am
please listen to my answers
hear my unspoken words
feel my pain
please don't forget or avoid asking how i am
see when you do that
i am forced to hold this pain inside
forced to be
alone
forced to suffer with my pain alone
forced to be silent again
and that creates distance between us
separating us
so
next time you ask me how i am
listen to me
hear me
help me
stand by me
spare me the pain of being alone