My Longest 100th Poem Of Emotion

For my 100th poem,I leave it to my emotions and unleash them in possibly the longest poem I've written,I dedicate it to the people who have been reading and keeping an eye out for me,and the people who care,you know who you are,but I havent forgotten...

It's going to be fine,
You'll be OK,
Just forget it,
But when will it be?,
When will I create a design,
A design for life,
To make today,
The surroundings lit,
The sky blue,
But I can't see,
I'm blinded,
Keep a cool head,
Keep out of trouble,
Don't go over the edge,
Never touch the lead,
These fears aren't soluble,
And at these emotions I dredge,
Because I can't forget,
And I let myself struggle,
I put energy to waste,
So I face this empty ledge,
And everything said,
And I've got a bad taste,
Of what's on offer,
People say I'm too nice,
I've been told,
More than twice,
Just today,
But that does nothing,
Because I use it in haste,
And I don't gamble,
But I feel like rolling the dice,
Making one last gasp run,
I don't know which way,
The fires of hell frothing,
The feelings encased,
Because I don't ramble,
And I'm following no device,
I pick up the gun,
Race to nowhere,
I just sprint to another day,
And end up exhausted and coughing,
But when faced,
With this thought,
It's unbearable,
I know I'm not the only one,
But these fears are laced,
With something to scar,
And I feel it,
And all of them are based,
Based inside myself,
Can't let them go,
So I get in my getaway car,
And drive away,
I'm unfit,
So fazed,
All this is so unreal,
Not looking after it all,
And everything so,
So tediously far,
Why don't you stay?,
And help me face the hit,
And I'll show you what I feel,
Listening to the call,
The tyres on tar,
Speeding in any way,
Accelerating every bit,
Ready to fall,
I stop,
Knowing I am going to die,
And even when I feel so tall,
I wonder,
What's it like to be on top?,
And ask myself "why?",
Because lately all it's been,
Is me slipping under,
Under the tranquility,
Was there something I forgot?,
Did I leave something behind?,
In the world of light,
Because I am,
And will be prepared to fight,
What is unseen,
But I have grown weak,
And I'm full of fatigue,
And I fear this will be read,
And nobody will know what I mean,
And every day,
How I seek,
To find myself,
To find somebody who knows,
To seek the truth,
And listen to what I have to say.