So close..

We came so close
to being so much more
than just good friends with so much in common.
Too much in common.
Lunchtimes spent together,
laughing,
personal jokes that no one else
could begin to understand.
Our weirdness equally matched by each other.

But I saw you differently.
A guy who I connected with,
a sweet cute funny guy
that meant so much to me.
I wanted you. Bad.

Then it began.
At a club, you asked me to kiss you.
Although others had been on your lips earlier i agreed.
And in that moment i was happy, feeling you so close to me.
But there were others that got closer and that hurt.

At school, I thought things would get weird,
and yeah, for me they were.
But things returned to relative normality.
Not what I wanted.

At a friends house, the first visit of three,
we sat together on the leather couch
cuddled up and content.
The second time there,
we lay in a bed together, so warm and hot, our hands wandering..
The alcohol on our breath,
you fell asleep with me in your arms.
The third and last time,
behind a sofa,
we kissed, and how.
You touched so much of me, and yet you were hardly aware.
Drunk, you forgot it all.

Humiliated, I want to forget you,
Unable to because you are my 'friend'.
NOT a friend with benefits.
Remember that.

What did you feel
when you were touching me?
Just skin, or a person within?

[sorry. I'm not pleased with this poem, if you can call it that. but i wanted to at least try and turn this odd experience of mine into poetry. at least i tried. unlike him, meh.]