Real me

Many people cut their wrist
and others cut their shoulders
i found a better way,
a healthier way,
i still get the same feelings
you know pain and all the others
being 17 with 198 scares
is just going way to far
i thought it was better
but more problems came from a far
i gave up cutting
and started starving
pushing wights and gaining mussels
i keep going until i freeze and choke from what i ate last
my moods change
more fights and again more scares
but not self inflected
but from other people
being 18 weighing 90 kilos of nothing but mussel
199 scares and three stab wounds
is not a easier way or a healthier one either
i wish someone could help
this is not a poem but a plea
for he or she to help
and tell me how to change
and hopefully hold my hand
and tell me how they feel.