Just cant anymore p-1(vers 1-21)

I just cant do it anymore
I'm so sick of your games
why cant you just make up your mind
instead of hurting me

one week we are just friends
and its fine with me
but then the next day
you flirting and playing with my head

it hurts so bad
to be jerked around
by someone that i love
but i cant seem to tell you

yesterday you said we are friends only
but today you said you wanted me
but a girlfriend is too much work
and you cant handle it right now

i just wish i could tell you
that I'm not much work
i am very easy and dependable
i will always stay by your side

my family all hates me
i cant take their abuse
they yell at me constantly
to take out their anger

i am their toy
that they like to toss around
for no reason at all
other than i am all they can find

they don't want me here
but they won't let me leave
i just don't understand
what they want with me

they treat me like shit
and tell me I'm worthless
i know this is all true
but i will not change for them

my friends are losing hope
they are all giving up
they don't know what to do with me
or what to say to make it better

it hurts so bad to know
that the last people i have left
are all leaving me
i need them here to stay

i just wish you were here
so i could be held in your arms
and be told it is OK
i need you to be my guardian angel

all the pain keeps building up
i can blink it away no longer
you are all losing hope
and i am losing time

i look down at my arms
and see the scars i have caused
i long to hold the knife again
it brought me so much joy

but then i remember my promise
that i once made to you
that i would do it no longer
i cant break your trust

someone says to do it but not tell
but i would feel guilty
i wold have to tell you
and between us it would bring hell

i haven't cried in weeks
i won't let my self release my pain
i let it build up
till i have enough anger and courage

once i am fed up i will be able to
bring to myself the end
i will not think
i will act on impulse

it will be as easy as 1 2 3,
i will first write the notes
telling you all how i hurt
and how i will take it no longer

it will be as easy as 1 2 3,
i will then take the bottle
and down the whole load
without but one thought

it will be as easy as 1 2 3,
third i will sharpen my knife
as i watch it glint in the light
then i will test it on my thigh

there are like 24 more verses but it was too long so i am splitting them up lol please vote and comment on both of em