Its where she wanted to be

The sharp blade moved across the skin,
The pain that followed made her scream,
The years of torment vanished,
Her whole life was about to begin.

Laying there she heard the nurses voices,
The smell of antiseptic and death,
This was where she wanted to be,
In the queue to mortality.

Why she urned it so much no-one knows,
But on those last days before her parting with the world,
She repeated those same words,
'If,If,If..'

If what?
If I was older and wiser?
If I was black not white?
If I had a brother,sister,mother?

Only one person has the answer,
But shes 6 foot under,
But don't feel sad or upset,
Its where she wanted to be.