When I Close My Eyes

by Sarah Ashley   Jul 6, 2005


When i close my eyes
all I see is a image of myself laying on the floor
laying right there next to the door
My thought slit open and blood running from my veins
Laying there feeling no more pain
When i close my eyes i want to be there
I know that if i was many people wouldn't care
Blood soaked body laying in silence
Why am i thinking of this cruel violence
I know that if my thoughts were reality
some would cry when they see me
Thats not really where i want to be
but if i was it would make them all see
It would make them feel bad for the way they treated me
I know I'm not ready yet to say goodbye
so i just lay back and close my eyes

**please rate & comment**

Please tell me what you think and how i can improve. thank you!

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  • 19 years ago

    by Sarah Ann

    It was good, the only thing I would suggest is to let your words flow more freely...you can read poetry many ways, but when I read it I felt it was kind of broken in some way...nevertheless, the idea was nice and the theme behind it...you ended the poem beautifully with:

    I know I'm not ready yet to say goodbye
    so i just lay back and close my eyes

    as if everything was at peace. It changed the mood of the poem...In a good way. xxx Great work. Take carexxx