Black Settling In

They stare in my direction
But look right through me
I’m simply a ghost of the past
And yet I’m still not free

I want to be seen
For who I really am
But everybody out there
Doesn’t give a damn

Was I really meant to live that night
Laying in the hospital bed?
Would there really be any difference
If I was actually dead?

My friends and family would all care
But the world would be no different
It would be as if I were never born
The world would go on, indifferent

They say I’m going to be happy
That the pills will truly work
But I’m still waiting for it
All those words, they make me smirk

Pills do not bring happiness
They simply bring a sea of nothing
I can no longer cry because of them
I thought I wouldn’t, but I miss tear’s sting

The other night my heart was broken
The words I heard made it hard to breathe
But no tears escaped my eyes
Even though my heart was a knife’s sheathe

I miss my life before that night
When it was easier to be open with friends
But now it’s harder to open up
I only open up to my pens

I miss the feel of the blade
But now it’s been too long to start again
Although many times have I picked up the razor
I can never seem to take it to my vein

No longer can I sleep through the night
I keep waking from my dreams
Never remembering what they were like
But still hearing faint screams

Nightmares haunt my sleep
While sadness haunts my waking mind
The therapy has not helped save me
Horrors still keep my heart entwined

I have yet to come to the worst
The nightmares are bad enough
But the thoughts that you don’t care
With my heart are all too rough

My self esteem has gone down the slope
I keep thinking that I’ve lost your heart
Please, could you tell me I am wrong
If not then I’ll just depart

Depression holds me in its claws
Ripping and tearing the more I fight back
It’s a demon, to say the least
With a heart that is entirely black