You're killing me

You just don't understand me,
And you never will,
There's things I keep from everyone,
And I'm sorry but I'm willing to kill,
Kill myself for what happened,
For the mistake that I can be,
For what I said to mess things up,
For what I am...for being me,
I hate myself for not knowing what to do,
I hate myself for it,
I hate myself because I love you,
And for not being able to see,
That I'm not good enough for anyone,
Because I'm just me,
I'm not perfect,
Hell, I'm nowhere near,
I always screw things up,
And that's why I fear,
I fear loving you,
Because I always get hurt,
No matter what I do,
I always get treated like dirt,
Somewhere in this friendship,
You'll give up just like I,
You won't think anything of it,
And like usual I'll stay awake and cry,
You've tried to forget about me,
But I know you care too much,
Just not enough for a "we,"
And that won't ever happen,
I'm not pretty like her,
And I don't think I can be,
I'll ask you if you care, and all I get is a, "sure".
I just don't understand you,
Like you don't understand me,
I don't expect you to,
I'm suicidal,
But for now you're the one killing me.