This was fine, I understand it was a song, I liked the fact that not all the lines were the same syllable wise, because it would be too sing songy that way. A couple of rhymes sounded like you stressed slightly over the rhymes. If you set in your mind that the poem is going to rhyme, then it needs to rhyme with ease. It is easy to read a poem and tell whether a person pressed the rhyming or not. Try not to. If you can't rhyme a certain word, or it doesn't sound correctly, change the line, or the word. Other than that this is about your life i can see, specefic to you, so i didnt get much feeling, but dont let that bother you, You SHOULD ALWAYS WRITE FOR YOURSELF ABOVE EVERYBODY ELSE. Then if you can, try and write broader

This was fine, I understand it was a song, I liked the fact that not all the lines were the same syllable wise, because it would be too sing songy that way. A couple of rhymes sounded like you stressed slightly over the rhymes. If you set in your mind that the poem is going to rhyme, then it needs to rhyme with ease. It is easy to read a poem and tell whether a person pressed the rhyming or not. Try not to. If you can't rhyme a certain word, or it doesn't sound correctly, change the line, or the word. Other than that this is about your life i can see, specefic to you, so i didnt get much feeling, but dont let that bother you, You SHOULD ALWAYS WRITE FOR YOURSELF ABOVE EVERYBODY ELSE. Then if you can, try and write broader, just for practice.

Very deep and heartfelt. I hope to see some new poems/songs from you. But this one deserves a 5/5 none to less.. Keep writing and take care (always))xx:

*> : PainOfOne