by xTheEcstasyOfSuicidex Jul 15, 2005
category :
Love, romance /
lost love
Give me my last breath through yours, |
I kinda have to agree with some of what tinyheart said, but not all of it. i didn't want to read all the way through the poem, because i was going to cry. but i did read the first and last few lines, and that was enough. it was, is, a very disturbing poem, and it most certainly does make one think. |
Good write. It doesn't flow or rhyme as well as your others do but its still amazing. Nice job! |
by Robie Lincer
All your poems are good! donno what else to say! but keep writting! keep it up! |
I think this was a very sad and sweet poem, it showed true emotion. buut, there were some things i think you need to improve upon. the 'you' sound at the end of many lines was slightly annoying, i think that you need to expand your vocabulary. the language was nto very interesting.. it was straighforward, and unless this is the type you want it to be (i dont think you do) i think you need to substitute some words. |
by Jamie
Okay this was a good poem, again good ideas that are easy to relate too...the only thing i think its you need to expand your vocab rhyming words like true and you love above care share, will only get you so far they are completly okay to use but you also need to use more interesting words and having the ability to rhyme bigger words is a task...but thats what thesaurus's and dictionaries are for even though im sure sitting down to read a dictionary isnt your idea of fun maybe a thesauarus would help you immensly...something to work on....4/5 |