Self Hate

Cant let them see the hurt

I hide it under my veil

I let all the happiness convert...

Into a living hell

They will never configure

The answer to my seclusion from the universe

On the verge to pull the trigger

To end my life's curse

Hold the barrel steady on my temple

droning back in memories

If only life were simple

I probably wouldn't be my worst enemy

i reminisce on the moments of being a child

To having an alcoholic father

consuming love only mild

Better than my hateful mother

She abused me and told me i was worthless

never loved who i was

did it all so shameless

the reason i have the gun to my head now i know the cause

All together it made me look at who i am

To hate who i couldn't be

Creating my hate program

And it was all against me

I would look in the mirror each morning

Grab at all the fat on my inner thighs

with a smile i knew i was pretending

then I'd cry and close my eyes

Looking under my eyes to see the dark circles

To know that I've suffered too much

my hands turn cold and purple

they grasp a hold onto my only crutch

They'll learn about my self hate

no more tears will my eyes shed

Soon it will be over and they will appreciate

Taking back all they've ever said

I close my eyes and pull the lever

my stomach feeling sick

this is the beginning of forever

but all i hear is "click"

I set the gun down and walk away

Feeling so much guilt within

I wont be dying today

I'll just hide away from the world again